Monday, September 15, 2014

My Last Drop

Since I've been back at work I've really decided to put my foot down when it comes to weaning.  Basically the entire month of August Arya has had her head attached to my boob.  I was starting to resent her because it was just getting to be too much.  Too much physically, emotionally, and mentally. It was affecting me from spending time with Isabella because Arya was always wanting to nurse, plus she wasn't eating as much because she was just filling up on milk.

Now I know that the World Health Organization recommends nursing until 2, but I was ready to stop.  So once I went back to work after summer vacation it just seemed like the most logical time to stop.  She doesn't get bottles anymore, so when I would get home from work she would run to me on her chubby little legs and say "Nurse."  It was hard to tell her no because she's so innocent and sweet and I know it makes her so happy, but I swallowed my mommy guilt and just tried to redirect her.  It worked better than I thought.  There were a few tears and a few protests, but for the most part she was ok.

At this point we were down to just one nursing session per day.  Just the night time feeding.  Andy and I have been toying with ideas on when and how to drop it, since we're both pretty much terrified of Arya's sleeping habits (if you can call what she does sleep).  This week is a really busy week for me.  Parent-Teacher Conference (mine), PTA meeting (Isabella's), work happy hour, a birthday play (I hate weeks like this where there's something every single day!) so I won't be home for bedtime a few night, so we're thinking that this is the time to do it.

I nursed her to sleep tonight.  It was, more than likely (I never commit to anything) the last time.  I thought I would be relieved, and a part of me was, but there's also a slight sense of grief.

I will never nurse Arya again.  I will never nurse a baby again.  This part of my life is over.

I am no longer supporting Arya with my body.  With my heart yes, with my arms, yes, but not physically.  It's my last connection to babies and this era of childhood.  I'm so glad that I was able to do this for so long and that I was able to have this bond with her.  16 months, I nursed that baby for, and tonight I dripped my last drop.

I read an article called The Last Drop that summed it up in a way that I just can't.

1 comments:

Jocelyn said...

You've done such a great job! I know this time is coming for me too. Very bitter sweet.

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