Thursday, January 8, 2015

Controlling the Crazy

I used to care what everybody though about me. My fear of being judged, or being different was crippling. It riddled me with anxiety. Now if you're not someone who thinks that way then you're probably just rolling your eyes and calling me crazy. Which I accept. 

I wasn't always that way. I used to be confident. Brave. Bold. It wasn't until I become a mother that my awkwardness and anxiety started to fester and grow. I'm not blaming my kids...this ones on me. Worrying if your parenting right, fear of messing up all contributed to my hyper sensitive state. 

Social media also wasn't around when I was younger. Our lives weren't on for judgement to everyone with a scrolling thumb and a spare moment. And I realize that I'm the one putting myself out there but it's a double edge sword. That need to connect, to share yet that fear of opening up. 

Or maybe that's just me. 

Maybe that's my crazy showing. 

However, lately I've noticed a shift in myself. I'm caring a lot less what people think of me. Mostly because they don't. People are so consumed with their own junk. And it's freeing. And it makes me feel like I can accomplish things I was scared to try. I really feel like I'm coming into my own. I feel like I need to come from a positive place of yes. 

I feel like I'm finally corralling my crazy. 


AwesomelyOZ said...

Glad to hear you're finally starting to control your crazy haha. I'm the same way, I've always had sucky anxiety and it's taken a minute to control it but it's getting a lot better every year. I've gotten better at trying new things and expanding my horizons so baby steps. Hope you make greater strides this year and take care Melissa! -Iva

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